How The Void Teaches Me to Surrender (Resigning my Muggle Job and Entering Van Life)

My life feels a bit like a void space right now.

Do you ever experience the void?

That feeling that only a part of your Soul and mind are present.

You feel kind of numb, your emotions are not that intense and there is minimal mind activity going on.

You are living your day but you feel like you are not really experiencing it.

I have this quite often and I’ve had to learn how to navigate this state.

In here, I often start writing.

I barely have thoughts but the letters are presented to me one by one.

And bit by bit, by reading my words, I start to grasp bits and pieces of what I am actually experiencing.

Years ago, it was incredibly hard to get anything done when I was in the void.

I felt paralyzed. I would go into a downwards spiral and let myself fall into old habits that I had tried to get rid of. As my full consciousness wasn’t there, it was quite easy for my lower brain regions to take over.

It’s terrible when in these little void periods you fuck up all the discipline you’ve cultivated the last weeks.

But I realized that I can always control my muscles with my prefrontal cortex consciousness.

Even when just moving through the house, let alone going outside, was absolutely unthinkable.

So, with the little mind capacity I had, I started to command my muscles: “Move your feet out of the bed. Move your hands and grab your workout clothes now. Press play on your laptop. Follow the movements…” Stuff like this. I kept training this over the years and I have gotten quite good at doing the right thing to do, even when I don’t feel like that.

Today, being in the void feels like I am in a space where I cannot control much. I barely feel my emotions and the amount of thoughts are bizarrely low. It feels like a part of me is hanging out or working in another dimension. My spirit guides said that my Soul is cleaning the slate – letting go of old things – and that something new will come in afterwards.

That’s indeed what it feels like. It’s like a tiny ego-death and rebirth.

As I cannot fully feel and think, the void has become an invitation to surrender. Surrender to the unknown. To just being. To trust Spirit with my life. To let this state pass by like an ocean wave.

I am also entering a void in my external life, quite literally.

I have ended this muggle job and I am leaving the staff apartment quite soon.

A beautiful Starseed brought a van into my life.

“Thank you, Life” is what I can already say.

I can feel that the little shifts – part of a much bigger shift - were initiated as soon as I started driving.

I already feel different.

I am stepping in the wide open world.

I’m in such a huge space of freedom right now.

My Soul job is slowly taking off.

And the van offers me a bed to sleep in.

That is the little “stability” I have.

Not the most comfortable, all-covered situation.

I love it.

I need this.

My Spirit needs this.

I have so much space now to receive magic from the Universe!

It is exciting and highly uncomfortable!

It’s still winter here and I will have to shower in the fjords. Nature will have to be my toilet and the little heater in the van will have to provide me with enough warmth.

I am a very light sleeper so I have to find quiet places to park overnight.

Will my sleep get even worse than it already is?

The storms here can be absolutely crazy.

Where will I do my laundry?

Will I be able to keep up with my business – following a structured schedule - without a structured living situation?

Will I be able to keep showing up as the best version of myself in the healing sessions that I guide?

What if it storms outside and I have an online healing session planned? Wouldn’t it get too noisy in the van?

Being present in the physical realm and doing practical decision-making processes isn’t my strongest asset. Now I will have to do extra of these pure 3D thinking and awareness processes.

I am pretty damn good at the inner work and the psycho-spiritual stuff by now. But the pure 3D stuff? Yeah, that’s not my strongest asset…

And my brain and body get overwhelmed and tired quite easily.

There is a little insecurity about money in the back of my mind, but after all the money reprogramming I’ve done in my energetic- and mind systems, I feel quite chill regarding this.

But you can see that there are lots of unknows.

I will just start living in a van! How crazy! I have no “stable” job planned. No next living place. I don’t know for how long I will be renting the van. I have no steady plan at all really. I am giving myself over to the unknown.

I am so free!

Literally, anything can happen, anywhere.

It is just the perfect opportunity to learn to surrender on a deeper level!

To truly, literally, step into the quantum field of infinite opportunities and waves of possibilities.

Finally, finally, finally.

I need and I want exactly these uncomfortable challenges.

I am ready for the adventure.

Living an outdoorsy life.

Back to basic, away from stability and luxury.

I am curious how this lifestyle is going to change me…

How it will shape me into an even more authentic version of myself.

Into a much stronger version of myself.

Physically and mentally.

More grounded, more one with nature, more one with my body, and with being human.

I surrender

To the void

I welcome the challenge

The discomfort, the doubt, the fear

The beauty

The magic

The adventure

The growth